the "r" word with a dash of the "c" word.

Current mood: catalyzed
Category: Life
The Question of Today:
How much do you need to compromise in a committed relationship before it is unhealthy?

I know this much...
I know that a relationship that is healthy requires compromise from both parties.
I know that relationships are give and take otherwise you will always be butting heads.
I know that if you care enough about another person that compromising isn't always as hard as you thought it would be.

Here's my little story... I've only had 2 real romantic relationships. The man I married and my boyfriend of 8 months years after my divorce... I mean... I had a lot of non-relationships in between... but those two were my only real serious ones... because I am not counting my boyfriend when I lived in Chile... that was only trouble... and I was 15.

I compromised a lot in my first "real" relationship... I didn't compromise ANYTHING in my second relationship because I thought I had "learned my lesson".
If my ex husband said the sky was green... I said okay. I knew he was wrong... but I'd rather not fight about it and I figured that was his sad perspective... so in our relationship I knew that the sky was blue and sometimes orange and red and purple but for our sake it was always green. Obviously that is only an example... I'm pretty sure he really didn't think it was green... well who knows? He was an odd one.

In my second relationship I think I might have been a little more close minded because I was bound and determined not to let a boy alter my perspective ever again.

I believe there is a fine line of compromise... I believe it is a blend of vanilla and chocolate to make a mocha and create something new and fresh that neither of you had thought of before. It's the sunsets of purple, orange, red, blue and yellow that have a streak of green in them that will blow your mind... who knew?

Why are relationships so hard now days where marriages end so abruptly but a dating relationship can last for years? Is it because in the back of our mind we still have an out in a dating relationship? Is it because things are at our fingertips in this day and age and we can have anything we want at any time with a dial of just a few buttons? Are we so much about instant gratification that we forgot what is worth fighting for... that the things that are most worth while do not come so easy?

I flinch at the thought of my sister getting married in September. Don't get me wrong I am sooo happy for her. They are the most perfect couple... but yeah. I'm scared for her. I do know that if anyone can make it work... they can. Why? Because they are two amazing christian people who put God first before themselves and each other.

Makes me raise my standards 100 par. Why waste time with someone who you cannot see yourself marrying? When you do find this person though... who is a "maybe one day" guy... it is hard because you each have your own lives. Different jobs that schedules don't match... different cities... different plans... someone has to compromise... or do both compromise? Does love mean giving up your vanilla to make mocha-chocolatay? :)

Anyways... relationship is a scary word to me. the concept is even worse. but sometimes you just find someone that changes your mind... that flips your life upside down and consumes your thoughts and feelings... and the things you thought you wanted get blurred and you forget what your dreams were until later... do you resent that person years down the road? I didn't even realize how unhappy i was in my marriage until it was taken away from me. I realized how much I had given up and how little he had. I realized that I lost who I was. what a long recovery road it has been... and how much more I still have to go.

So for discussion purposes... how much compromise is okay before you cross the line to being just completely whipped?